Landlord Awards showcase the very best in Goonswarm rent increases

VALE OF THE SILENT: There were tears and cheers last night as the Landlord of the Year Awards made an emotional return to Goonswarm Federation. The glittering event, last held in YC 108, welcomed over 500 of the region’s most notorious moon owners, system bosses and constellation executives,  many of whom expressed delight that their industry had finally emerged from the difficulties of the moongoo financial crisis.

“It just makes me shudder remembering what it was like back then. With rent prices plummeting along with opportunities to completely bleed our tenants dry, they were dark times indeed,” said Leroy Shipstealer, who owns 24 moons across Goonswarm space.

“But I can proudly say that the tide has now turned and we’re well and truly back to our absolute best. One annual cheque is the norm once more and yearly rates are going up faster than we can evict people and draw up new contracts. I’m super pleased that these wonderful awards have now returned too.”

Among those present was renowned proprietor Lord Thunderflap, four times winner of the prestigious Most Ludicrous Rent Hike Award. Speaking before the ceremony, he expressed his confidence in making it five. “My rents are now more than twice what they were in YC 109, I’m sure to win,” he said.

However, Thunderflap lost out to rival Mr Omniblivion, who has managed to hike his rents by almost 300 per cent since Goonswarm won the Expo5000 bid in November. “Just you wait and see how much I’m charging when the Expo actually comes to town,” he beamed tearfully.

The coveted Utter Bastard Of The Year gong went to Massive Swinging Dong, who successfully brought to trial 43 tenants for non-payment of rent for constellations that have never existed.

However, the night’s biggest cheer was saved for the closing celebration, the Lifetime Achievement Award, which went to one of the industry’s most respected names, mynnna. The Caldari businesswoman – largely credited as the first landlady to require 12 months payment upfront, plus 10 per cent administrative charges – this year made history when she successfully demanded three years rent in advance for a POS setup and studio apartment in the Vale  of the Silent region.

“You’re an inspiration to us all,” said the show’s host Dom Moonspear on presenting mynnna with her award.

BREAKING: 220 billion ISK Titan down

Pandemic Legion celebrates first anniversary of revolution with historical reenactments held across Immensea

B-R5RB: One year on from the bloody revolution that saw the toppling of their enemies, thousands of PL grunts today celebrated this anniversary with a series of historical reenactments of Titan losses and many more subcap lossmail events held around the Immensea region.

Huge crowds gathered calling for the killmails of the huge titans, expertly recreating scenes from the fabled events of yesteryear.

“It’s super great to see Pandemic Legion commemorating this important date in such a way,” said Admiral Snowbird, a historical reenactments enthusiast from Goonswarm Federation. “And so many really put the effort in to wear accurate period clothing and use historical weaponry.”

The killmail can be found here.

The Kan was unavailable for comment.

Naughty Cargo accuses 3D Horrorshow of ‘building his career by trashing hers’

MOLDEN HEATH: Naughty Cargo has blamed her ex-husband 3D Horrorshow for breaking up her ‘happy little family’ and accused him of ‘trashing’ her to help his own career.
The mother-of-fourteen has opened up about her devastation in a new book – Love, Titans, Lipstick And Lies – which is being serialised in The Teonusude Bongle.
Speaking about her pain following the split, she writes: ‘It felt to me he was building up his own career by trashing mine, all he would talk about was that flaming titan win on blink and his stupid wolf fits and all his friends in R1FTA, all of which he thought had turned him into a rockstar sexgod.’

And she admits that despite it being over a year since he walked out she still doesn’t understand what happened.

She continues: ‘I thought we had a secure, happy little family in the corp we were in together, something which I have always wanted. But that happy family was destroyed when 3D pressed that stupid button and subsequently walked out – telling me it was over in a phone call when I had visited him in Heild.
‘To this day he has never properly spoken to me about why he left so I could never get any closure on our marriage. I thought we were the ultimate spaceship couple, how wrong I was.’

In the extract Naughty reveals that at the time he left her she was still coming to terms with the dizzy level of fame and stardom that infamous blink titan win had propelled 3D and his glamour wife to.
The couple, who met during their time on I’m An ex-R1FTA Pilot Get Me Out Of Here, have two clone children together – 4D, 8, and Princess Horrorshow, 6.
She admits that after he walked out on her she knew she would never be able to trust him again, particularly after he began promoting his new titan win shortly after the split – raising questions in her mind if publicity may have played a part in his decision.

After the split Naughty reveals that she found it hard seeing him ‘being held up as some kind of saint and superstar’ while she received negative publicity and was even called a rockstar hanger-on in the press.

The blogger and New Eden pilot writes that she struggled not only because of the on-going legal action between them but also due to the comments made by 3D about her in various chat channels and the press.

She recalls an image of Princess Horrorshow wearing false eye-lashes, an I :heart: 7-2 t-shirt and make-up which caused a stir.
At the time she writes that 3D laughed about the picture but when things turned sour between them he blasted her for allowing their daughter to dress up in such a way.

A recent unlikely reunion was thought to be on the cards when Naughty rejoined the Black Rebel Rifter Club, where 3D was working, although that soon turned sour due to differences in opinion and an untenable working relationship.

Naughty Cargo recently joined Shadow Cartel after a failed bid to join Molden Heath Super Corp Calamitous-Intent.

Love, Titans, Lipstick And Lies by Naughty Cargo is available on February 14 and costs ISK 18.99


Treadmills to be installed at Highsec mining outpost food court counters

HALAIMA: In a bid to combat the growing obesity crisis across Highsec, a new initiative will soon see exercise machines installed across the region’s numerous food courts and fast food outlets.
Unveiled in Halaima this morning, the ‘Run Fast For Fast Food’ programme will differ from previous weight-loss and fitness schemes in that it will make using treadmills mandatory for all miners and diners. By placing the machines in front of each of the food counters, customers will be forced to use them while placing an order.

“Beyond clamping down on dishes high in sodium, sugar and saturated fats, we really can’t stop the miners and crews eating unhealthy fast food all day long,” said Rita Camelkepper, the programme’s founder. “But what we can do is make it that much harder for them to get to the most fattening foods, and perhaps help them burn some calories on the way!”

Where the Run Fast For Fast Food programme really comes into its own is with an innovative tiered approach, with the different treadmill’s difficulty levels set in accordance to the calorie-count of the food being ordered.

“For example, were someone to go to a counter to order a supersized Big Mack meal with extra iced fries, the treadmill would be running at around three times the speed and with a far greater incline than for someone ordering, say, a chicken retriever sandwich with slimline dressing,” said Camelkepper, adding that the length of time spent exercising would hopefully deter those placing sizeable orders.

“Our trial runs found that having spent 30 seconds sweating on a gruelling uphill setting, those who normally might request six family mega ore buckets, 24 pieces of synthetic chicken, nine Dickstar Tower burgers, six tubs of coleslaw, 14 large fries and four litres of Quafe were significantly scaling back their orders,” she said.

“Some of our more generously proportioned testers simply weren’t physically capable of choosing anything but healthy options and some were left standing motionless in the queue as they failed to grasp the task ahead of them.”Image

An eye on the blobs and faces of New Eden.