Tag Archives: Jita

New Icons voted greatest technological development of all time

JITA: Less than a day after they were launched, the New EVE Online Icons have been named ‘New Eden’s Greatest Technological Development’ in an online poll.

The new overview identification system, linking everything from stations to asteroid belts, with shuttles and corpses and a new scaling system for ship sizing, beat favorites including the new stargate animation and the new new player experience tutorial in the list that featured on the official Jita Community website, which many are hailing as a fitting tribute to CCP’s ongoing strive for success in the Jita capital.

“Once again, CCP is number one, in your face haters,” said mother-of-twelve and former Black Nova corp member Emily Jones, 37, who added that she had no desire to use the new icons as she stays home in Jita 4-4 updating buy and sell orders for her husband Clive Jones who is a freelance market trader currently affiliated with the University of Caille.

Killboard Owners’ Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

JITA: It has been weeks now since ex-lovebirds Squizz Caphinator and Karbowiak seemingly parted ways for good over differences relating to their killboard and billboard enterprises, but now it appears that there may be a chance for reconciliation as one of the duo was reported to have announced on Toonbook that they are now talking.

“We’re still not on the best of terms in the whole killboard thing. But we’re talking and working together somewhat.” Karbowiak announced in response to a question on a live video feed hosted by a local media outlet.

He continued.

“Squizzy came over to my mansion in Jita and wanted his CD’s back. I have to admit that hurt like crazy but I even let him have our shared vintage copy of Sports – Huey Lewis and the News.”

Wiping away tears Karbowiak ended his address by musing.

“We’re talking. We’re working on things. Who knows if our code will become compatible again.”

Squizz was unavailable for comment. His representatives reported that he was trying to repair a broken forum transmitter.

Jita Mini-Wormhole Tram voted greatest technological development of all time

JITA: Less than a day after it launched in Jita 4-4, the Jita M-WH Tram was named the ‘Universe’s Greatest Technological Development’ in an online poll.

The new public transport system, which uses small wormholes linking parts of the Jita suburbs and the Jita Marina with areas such as Trader City, Downtime Food Hall, Jita Mall and the main hangar area beat favourites including TheMittani.com and the Mobile Micro Jump Unit in the list that featured on the official Visit Jita website, which many were hailing as a fitting tribute to the system’s ongoing strive for success.

“Once again, Jita is number one, in your face Amarr,” said mother-of-fifty-two Erin Dawson, 47, of the Old Spice Trading Co, who added that she had no desire to use the wormhole tram as she ‘flies’ everywhere in a modified off-road Caldari Shuttle.

Man lost in Jita Mall for 13 months describes ordeal

JITA: A mysterious castaway who claims to have been “shopwrecked” inside the Jita IV-4 Mall for 13 months is now safely outside the shopping centre, according to reports.

The man, who calls himself LoneFinger Corvax and says he is a tourist from the Placid region, turned up at a remote customer service desk two days ago in a disheveled state and in a heavily damaged shopping trolley, claiming that he had been living off fast food he had bought from the numerous food courts as he searched for an exit.

Corvax, who claims to be 29, is now in a local medical facility recovering from his ordeal, said the Brave Newbies Inc. ambassador to Jita, Yoo Wish.

“He’s in a much better shape than one would expect after such a horrifying experience,” Wish told reporters.

Corvax is believed to have entered Jita for what was to be a one-day expedition with a fellow Placid tourist last January, but was blown off course by crowds shopping for a PvP festival and eventually became waylaid by a visit to the Caldari Navy Aquarium.

According to Corvax, he lost his partner three months into their drift because she refused to eat any more Synthetic Cheeseburgers.

“For days, I felt like dying. I couldn’t take it anymore. Another pop-up PLEX stand very nearly finished me off,” he is quoted as saying in an interview with the Jita Mall’s in-house magazine.

But authorities are now trying to determine the legitimacy of Corvax’s story, with several experts claiming that it would not have been possible for someone to have survived for so long inside the space station.

“Even when going for the salad options or leaving the sliced gherkin in the burger, we’ve never known anyone to have lasted longer than seven months eating purely Jita fast food,” said Darrius Omega of the Jita Health Bureau. “Either this man’s cholesterol levels are through the roof or we have a real life miracle on our hands.”

But Corvax, who is due to be reunited with his family, still managed to show a trace of humour despite his nightmare.

“Who knows, perhaps I’ll come back again,” he joked from his hospital bed. “I hear the next shopping festival will be the best one yet and I’m also running low on tech one drones.”

Last-minute Valentine’s shoppers cause stampede outside Jita showrooms

JITA: There were chaotic scenes outside showrooms in Jita yesterday evening as men flocked to pick up last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts for their clone wives and dearly beloveds. Eyewitnesses reported similar scenes coming out of Dodixie, Amarr, Hek and Rens showrooms across the cluster, with snaking queues forcing some customers to wait upwards of six hours to be served. “I’ve been here since midday, it’s madness,” said entrepreneur KitKat King near the Roden Shipyards showroom in Jita. “I just hope by the time I finally get to the front they haven’t run out of pink Enyos with leopard-print seat covers otherwise it won’t be worth waking up tomorrow.”

Gold Class spacelane to be introduced on route between Jita and Amarr

JITA: Pilots looking for a bit of luxury on the route between Jita and Amarr will soon be able to take advantage of an exclusive members-only spacelane when it comes into service later this year.

The ‘Gold Class’ spacelane, which will be available for a set monthly fee, offers a full range of extras unavailable in the other lanes. Gold Class pilots will be given an extra 2AU warp speed, a newly built top-of-the-range gold painted tunnel system and discounts at various service stations along the route. The whole lane will also be the widest lane New Eden has ever seen, and will be cordoned off from the other lanes with a red velvet rope. It will also be manned by security drones in case any of the non-paying public try to breach the tunnel barriers.

“We live in a society where luxury lovers can enjoy exclusive access to special areas in the nightclub, shuttle system and supermarket,” said project spokesperson Fast Lane. “Given our deep love of expensive spaceships and flying, it seems ridiculous that we hadn’t yet brought this service to the spacelanes.”

While the price has yet to be revealed, organizers have said it would be set “disruptively high” in order to prevent the Gold Class lane from becoming overcrowded.

“We want our VIP users to be able to enjoy privileges befitting of people of their elite status. The Gold Class spacelane will offer them New Eden’s most lavish flight, be it to work, the beach club or the nine-star underwater shopping mall in Amarr.”

Unfortunately for some, the new spacelane won’t be available to all pilots. Only owners of top-end spaceships – a list of which will soon be released – can apply.

“And we’ll be installing security drones along the route – almost like nightclub bouncers – to ensure someone in a rusty Rifter or a clapped out Punisher doesn’t try to take advantage of the lane and ruin the experience for our members,” says Lane.

Response to the proposal has been positive, with several people who regularly fly between Jita and Amarr saying they’d certainly like to give the new luxury lane a go.

“I’ve often thought that it just felt somewhat wrong to be sharing a spacelane with much cheaper ships,” said Vangel-owner TinkerHell. “I look forward to using Gold Class and ensuring my fellow users are similarly high net worth individuals.”

But Freki pilot RudeX X said she believed that, like other facilities across New Eden, there should be a two-tier approach to the new luxury offering.

“It just concerns me that they might be putting, say, a Harpy in the same category as my vastly more expensive ship. Perhaps there should be a VVIP or Platinum Class lane as well for us super-elite,” she said.

Despite this, Lane claims that interest in the Gold Class spacelane has already been “extremely high” and that should it prove a success, there are plans to expand it to other routes across New Eden.

“We’re also looking at making the tunnel from panes of reinforced glass and using genuine flakes of 20-carat gold in the panels, just for that added touch of luxury.”

Black Frog customer absolutely mystified as to why 20 small freight containers don’t qualify as hand luggage

JITA: According to reports, the customer was seen loudly arguing with a Black Frog representative at the Jita cargohold check-in desk and appeared to be absolutely dumbfounded that she was not being allowed to take her 20 small freight containers on board the jump freighter as hand luggage. Eyewitnesses suggested that the 30-something sunglasses-wearing Caldari woman had spent the past 10 minutes screaming about the injustice of the situation, holding up the queue of about 50 other customers.

At the time of going to press, the woman had been allowed on the jump freighter (not usually allowed with courier contracts) with just four of the containers compacted and wrapped in plastic wrap and was seen berating a stewardess over the fact that they wouldn’t fit in the overhead lockers.