Tag Archives: The Mittani

Goonswarm ‘Marry A Diplomat’ TV game show cancelled after lack of contestants

DEKLEIN: A brand new TV game show in Deklein in which female contestants compete to win the hand in marriage of a Goonswarm diplomat has been cancelled, according to producers.

‘I Wanna Marry A Diplo’, which was due to begin shooting next week, would see 12 young hopefuls take part in various pitched 1v1 battles to win the heart of flamboyant Goonswarm diplomat Powers Sa, the most loyal aid of The Mittani and alleged third in line to the throne. But the show has been axed because, claim TV execs, of a “lack of response” and “sheer bemusement at the concept of the 1v1’s” from the would-be suitors.

“We were expecting to be overrun with applicants,” said Ace Fox Brown, head of Endepol GSF Channel 6, which was putting together the show. “I mean, he’s a bit of a dish and he’s third in line… he’s quite a catch. He was quite looking forward to taking part.”

Despite the disappointment with ‘I Wanna Marry A Diplo’, the 48-year-old clone star is still committed to appear in the upcoming game show ‘Fleet Warp Or No Fleet Warp’ alongside fellow diplomat Princess Draghkar.

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Mittani Fan Found Sleeping At His Home

S-U8A4: A woman has been arrested in Syndicate after she was found sleeping in a bedroom inside quarters rented by Goonswarm Federation Supreme Leader The Mittani.

Poitot Police said 23-year-old Melody Wong who it is claimed currently works for the Clockwork Pineapple corporation in Syndicate, was found inside the apartment, owned by the Ishukone Corporation, on Friday.

She told officers she had come to attend The Mittani’s birthday party and entered the unoccupied quarters through an unlocked door.

But the Supreme Leader’s party was actually held at another secret location earlier this week to avoid the inevitable Jita press.

Police said Wong claimed she was a friend of The Mittani’s, but she is believed to be one of billions of fans who follow him on Twitter.

Wong faces a charge of criminal trespass and could be executed if found guilty of wrongdoing. It was unknown if The Mittani was at home at the time.

A spokesperson for The Mittani declined to respond to our request for more information.

Unknown capsuleer meets with The Mittani after Goonswarm Federation admin error

DEKLEIN: Goonswarm high-ranking officials have admitted that an “unfortunate administrative error” was behind the official state visit made by unknown PvP’er Simon Krait to DKUK-G that concluded yesterday. During his visit, the Rifterling pilot met with The Mittani and pressed the Almighty Leader on nullsec reforms, while also discussing the situation in Immensea. Krait has since returned to his home in Metropolis.

Goonswarm fans feeling ripped off as The Mittani starts sixth regional tour in under 3 months

DELVE: The Mittani fans across Delve yesterday admitted to feeling cheated by their glorious leader, after he began his sixth tour to the region since returning from a luxury yachting trip to Fountain in October.

“I mean, the first time was brilliant and my friends and I all made sure we had front row seats,” said Asteroid Cruncher, 17, in JP4-AA. “But by his third and fourth shows just a couple of months later, it was, like, really?”

Bacon Pigbottom, 19, in 8F-TK3, concurred. “It’s not as if he brings any new material each time, like Suas or Sindel. It’s a complete joke,” he said.

But given The Mittani’s teenage fan base, it’s the parents that are feeling the pressure most of all from his numerous tour dates. “I think it’s just shameless ISK grabbing,” said Digital Ebola, a 39-year-old mother of two in FM-JK5.

“You know, it’s not just the tickets, which are expensive enough anyway, but all the merchandising that goes with it, the official t-shirts, posters, miniature titans, calendars and duvets. Of course, my two girls want everything. [The Mittani] must be absolutely coining it.”

Sindel Pellion’s ‘I Will Survive’ tops Goonswarm music charts

JITA: A recently released disco song by Pandemic Legion pilot and songstress Sindel Pellion has stormed to the top of the Goonswarm music charts.

Many Goonswarm citizens have clamored to download the hit track ‘I Will Survive’ and others have been seen singing the song around the empire’s many outposts and space stations as CFC morale peaks at an all-time high. The catchy tune which pokes fun at the recent Pandemic Legion defeat in the great titan battle of B-R5RB, but also hints at statements of intent on a Pandemic Legion return, has even been heard blasting from the public speaker system in Mittanigrad.

Goonswarm citizen Spooge McGee seemed delighted with the chart topping hit. “It’s such a fantastic song, really wonderfully sung and a beautiful voice with perfect lyrics,” he said as he left morning prayers in Mittanigrad.

Experts are predicting that it will go on to beat YC 112 record chart topping hit ‘I’m Too Sexy For Goonswarm’.

SOMER blink to sponsor suicide catalyst army

DODIXIE: The New Order has announced a groundbreaking sponsorship deal with SOMER blink, which will see James 315’s fleet of mining code inspectors and suicide catalysts branded with the gambling site’s distinctive blue and yellow livery.

“Sponsorship is an effective and mutually beneficial way of supplementing The New Order’s defense budget,” said spokesman and agent of The New Order Ario Drumall. “Thanks, SOMER blink, for giving ISK to the saviors of highsec!”

“We are delighted to contribute to the war on afk mining and illegal mining operations,” added SOMER blink spokesman No Blinkin Soul. “SOMER blink always seeks to take highsec life to new extremes – whether it’s on mission acceleration gates, at the edge of wormhole space, or in remote asteroid belts sheltering suspected illegal mining operatives.”

The new SOMER blink-branded catalysts will be deployed from the beginning of next month. Rumored future deals with themittani.com and Chribba are yet to be confirmed.

Goonswarm security forces arrest Pandemic Legion cleaner

YULAI: Goonswarm’s hardcore military government extended its crackdown on Pandemic Legion this morning, arresting the group’s head cleaner, state-run television The Mittani-Vision (TM-V) has reported.

Princess Leonesse, 28, is the latest key member of the group to be taken into custody. She was arrested in the HED-GP system of Catch after security forces obtained information that she was hiding in an apartment belonging to her best friend Shadoo’s sister-in-law Erotica Extreme, currently on holiday in the Immensea region with her two clone children, Abdulla and Clive.

No official charges have yet been announced following the arrest, but Goonswarm’s interior minister Lieutenant 3DGAYWORLD earlier indicated that Leonesse was wanted for crimes including “keeping [Pandemic Legion] offices spick and span” and “inciting tidiness in and around the kitchen area”. She was reportedly discovered with “several” cleaning products in her possession that were intended for terrorist activity “over a variety of dirty surfaces”.

The move follows the arrest of hundreds of other members of the PL movement over the past few days. Just yesterday two key members of PL’s catering team were taken into custody having been found hiding in a central HED-GP basement flat with a contraband Titanespresso machine.